the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
