can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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