She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
