My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
