I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
