Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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