Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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