I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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