I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
