So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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