you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
