i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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