I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
