Swine flu. Run for my life!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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