; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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