i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
