there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
