she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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