Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
