From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
