hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
