I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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