I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
