dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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