Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
