Moan for me like Helen Keller
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
