So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
