So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
