i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
