i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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