I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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