I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
