Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
