someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
