she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
