i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
