I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
