2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
