well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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