i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
