Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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