I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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