I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
