I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
