I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
