im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
