I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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