Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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