yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
