drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
