its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
