I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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